And in other news

NEWSFLASH : Wife feels wrath as she does not have the power to control the wind

Gusts were blowing as a new boat entered the marina, leaving the Skipper unable to berth in his allocated spot. Witnesses stated that they were shocked at the language aimed at the crew when she politely advised her husband to try and go into a bigger berth. It is alleged that the words ‘I can’t control the f***ing boat’ were heard across the marina. Rumour has it that the wife has now been booked on a weather control course and the husband into an anger management class.

Man seeking revenge for withdrawal of Bourbon biscuits

A man returned to his boat to find his wife serving tea and biscuits to their neighbour. His neighbour, aware that the man is on a strict calorie controlled diet, was seen to take great delight in waving a half eaten Bourbon at him, having taken two of the four on offer. The man said ‘I can’t believe she did it, my Bourbons, two of them and by the time I reached the boat they’d been put away‘. Later that day during sundowners the man was overheard making some remark which no one can quite recall, although the neighbour was heard to say in reply ‘you will regret that, I’ll get my own back when you least expect it’. Witnesses said that later that evening she did in fact get her own back by telling the man’s wife that she had passed a jam doughnut over to him earlier that day when the wife was out. The neighbour has yet to confirm whether this event did actually happen as there were in fact no sightings of said doughnut. The neighbour is yet to confirm or deny the existence of a doughnut but in our opinion she just really enjoyed getting him in to trouble – her parting words were ‘I’m not to be messed with’.

Stolen wipes used to cover airlines failure

It has been reported that two packets of wet wipes usually accompanying finger food were stolen from the Arena Sports Bar in Gibraltar during the FA Cup Final on Saturday. When stopped the thief was said to declare that she needs them because she has to wipe down the seat on the Ryanair flight before she sits down. Her companions were said to be shocked, not at the theft but that someone would go to the bother of wiping the seats down, one said ‘everyone knows that Ryanair planes are completely cleaned between each flight, seats are cleaned thoroughly and the air sprayed with disinfectant – her behaviour is just unnecessary and quite frankly besmirching the name of a first class airline’. The authorities have decided not to take any further action in this matter.

P.S I am not the woman who can’t control the wind as everyone knows I have powers beyond this realm, plus no anger management class would take Craig.

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